10 God Damn Years!
November 06, 2009

It was 1999 when it all started. When everything started. We quit our college newspaper due to general shitheadedness of the administrative staff. J. Allen graduated college, moved to Denver and joined the “real world.” Aaron won a couple of writing awards. Our roommate got drunk and made us all promise to join him for Spring Break in San Felipe, Mexico. “Futurama” debuted on Fox. A friend started his own web hosting company, giving us our own server space to do what ever we wanted. Jimmy Eat World released Clarity. The Onion stopped taking our submissions. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace Hit theaters.


And we started The Scoop News.


It’s been 10 years since we started this here satirical newspaper. Ten years since we received a notice from The Onion that they wouldn’t be accepting submissions anymore. Ten years since we decided that because they wouldn’t take our submissions anymore, we would make our own The Onion. Ten years since we didn’t have anything better to do than write stories about things that made us laugh or that annoyed us. Ten years since we purchased www.the-scoop-news.com.


That’s a long god damned time to be doing anything, let alone something we aren’t paid for doing. But we don’t do it because we are expecting it to make us rich – that’s what the lottery is for. We continue to put together monthly issues of The Scoop because we love it. Creating The Scoop makes us happy. We really enjoy making fun of religion, politics, sports and douche bags in lifted trucks. The fact that people continue to read it after 10 years is just more fuel for that passion.


But the last 10 years hasn’t been easy. We’ve dealt with creative fatigue, laziness, layoffs, personal finance crises, crazy adventures, lawsuit threats, system issues, hacking, personnel issues, national tragedies and shitty day jobs. All this stuff conspired to destroy The Scoop but we never let it.

So in the spirit of looking back over the last ten years, we wanted to share with you some of the personal (The Scoop) related highlights. And who knows, maybe we’ll be able to do this same thing again in another 10 years.

Highlights from the first 10 years of The Scoop:



  • Winning a humorous writing award for the story “Las Vegas to Build Jesus Christ Casino.”


  • Still today, five years after we wrote it, the story “Survey: Truck Owners With Big Lift Likely To Have Small Penis” continues to be one of the most read Scoop stories as people discover it after doing a Google search for tips on lifting a truck.
  • Writing a “funny email” list of euphemisms for taking a shit that ended up derailing a possible relationship with a girl that J. Allen really liked.
  • Using, almost exclusively, the last names of hockey players and musicians as the last names of characters in our stories.
  • Receiving a letter from a professor claiming that one of our stories was the most offensive thing she’d ever read.
  • Setting up a The Scoop booth at the now defunct Las Vegas Comic-Con and getting threatened by Marvel about the stickers we were giving away.
  • Seeing kids walking around wearing Scoop merchandise.
  • Having one of our stories completely ripped-off and made into a feature film.
  • Receiving a letter from some kid in the middle of the country wanting to know how he can break into the porn industry.
  • Receiving a letter from some douche bag with the same name as a person in one of our stories, threatening to sue us if we didn’t change the name. We didn’t change the name.
  • Purposely writing the worst story and using that same story for the 100th, 200th and 300th story after making a huge deal about each of those milestones.
  • Writing over 30 stories about Jesus.
  • Our friends (albeit short-lived) hilarious Porn reviews. There were only a couple but god damn… they were funny. If you missed them then, well… they are on The Scoop somewhere… you just have to find them. And we hid them not because they weren’t very good but because companies were blocking The Scoop because they thought it was a porn site.


It’s been a great 10 years. See you in 10 more! In the meantime, take care and thank you for reading. Especially you Super Daphne (who’s been here almost since day one)!


J. Allen and Aaron.