2008 and the Lessons Learned
January 12, 2009

The end of the year/beginning of a new year is always a good time to take stock of your life and reevaluate some things. Maybe even work up a resolution or two. While we don’t necessarily believe in the creation of resolutions (you can only fail to “bang 150 chicks by the end of the year” so many times before you should give up), we are big fans of taking the experiences of the past year and learning from them.

On the flip side of that, there are some cases where ignoring experiences and pretending they never happened is the appropriate rout. Like the time J. Allen had to sit next to a guy who suffered from constant seizures, which also apparently caused him to fart, during a five-hour flight to Charlotte, NC. That whole experience should be forgotten. There is nothing to gleam from that.

Along with the new lessons, there are also a number of things that, for what ever reason remain unresolved. You hope that answers come to these issues every year but they never do so many of these things just get carried over.

So here is our look back at 2008 and the things we learned, the things we should have remembered and the things we still want to know.

The things we learned that we should never forget:

• It’s really hard to act “natural” when someone is shoving a dildo in your mouth
• It always rains in New York City
• Drawing a Womprat is harder than it looks
• Memphis is a shithole
• Hawaii? Not that great
• Paying young boys to put on a dress leads to more cross dressing
• Working with fiberglass sucks ass
• Betting on the field is a sucker bet
• Pat’s cheesesteaks are better than Gino’s
• J. Allen looks really good (and apparently gay) in his black suit coat
• We can build a vehicle, from scratch, that goes 20mph but the brakes aren’t going to work for shit
• Don’t lick strippers – they are covering themselves in drugs that if ingested, will knock your ass out and then the hookers will rob you. What has this world come to when you can’t even trust hookers?
• How to spot a hooker in Las Vegas
• There is a fine line between funny and felony
• No matter how crazy we end up, we will never be as crazy as that crazy Winchester chick
• Despite our extreme pessimism, it is possible for America to do the right thing and elect the right person

Things we already learned but we apparently forgot and need to remember next time:

• Our friends, while totally awesome, are complete flakes.
• Don’t check your bag
• We are awesome (ok, we really didn’t forget this, but we were trying to be modest…)
• If you don’t update your website, no one is going to go to it
• The Price is Right is a kick ass show
• Many women don’t understand that The Price is Right is a kick ass show
• Only one of us will win in Vegas on a given trip
• The line between club-going skank and hooker in Vegas is paper thin

Things that remain unresolved:

• What the fuck was that white flash Vrad and J. Allen saw coming back from the concert?
• What the fuck is that in that picture?
• Who the hell thinks Nickleback is a good band?
• Why the hell is Paris Hilton still alive?
• Who the hell was that guy talking to?
• Why the hell does that chick at the gym keep staring at J. Allen?
• What is it like to actually watch a baseball game at (old) Yankee Stadium?