The United States of America has a black President.
Are you fucking kidding us?
How did this happen? How did the same country that elected George W. Bush (TWICE!) elect a black President? How did the South, where it’s still 1962, allow for the election of a black President? How did this country full of ignorant, white, fat, racist, religious whack-jobs elect an intelligent, black, fit, man with a Muslim heritage?
How did people not get swept up in the hateful propaganda? How did this nation with a large amount of ignorant, white, fat, racist, religious whack-jobs not elect an equally ignorant, white, racist, religious whack-job who looked “pretty hot – for a mom” (not our words) to be their Vice President. How did this country see through this ignorant, white, racist, religious whack-job of a Vice Presidential nominee and see her for what she really is?
How did we elect, with a huge majority, a black man to be President of the United States?
We have no idea, but god damn – this is just awesome. Totally. Fucking. Awesome.
For the first time in a long time, we truly and deeply are proud to be Americans. We feel like this country finally is starting to get it. That people are starting to realize choosing a President is a little more important than deciding which cutie should be crowned this season’s American Idol. That issues and solutions matter a little more than which candidate they’d “rather have a beer with.”
America is awesome and we just proved it. Now let’s get this shit back on the right track and fix all the things the last guy people “would most like to have a beer with” fucked up.
We know this isn’t really that funny or entertaining of a column but we just wanted to take a moment and recognize what we, as a people, just accomplished.
Awesome. Totally fuckin’ awesome.