Smart and Rich
October 27, 2008

Who are the smart ones now, huh?

We are. That’s who.

For the past eight years now, everyone (and we mean just about everyone) we know has been telling us how stupid we are for not buying a house or investing our money in “the market.” And despite this constant barrage of “you know what you guys need to do?”s, we stood our ground and didn’t do shit.

And now look at us. We look like fucking geniuses for staying out of the housing market and the stock market. Strike that. We don’t just look like geniuses, we are geniuses. Our indecisiveness, laziness and uneasiness about borrowing an ass-load of money or giving other people our money has turned out to be economical gold.

We should write up our economic plan and send it to the Presidential candidates. But then again, people think we are stupid so maybe that’s not such a good idea. Unless we just gave it to McCain. But people already think he’s kinda stupid so really it’s kind of a waste of time. And if he wins we are all so totally screwed that it won’t make any difference as Armageddon will finally be here.

Right now we sit in a pretty cheap, but nice-ass townhouse in an awesome location. Except for the occasional complaint from uppity neighbors about the loudness of our “bass,” we have just about the perfect housing situation. Sure we don’t own it, but if we did, we’d be pretty fucking screwed right about now. So as we look out from one of our three balconies and see all the “for sale” signs we can’t help but giggle a little bit.

As far as cash goes, right now all of our money goes into burlap sacks, with the “$” sign on them, and stuffed under our beds. Not literally, but pretty close. And you know what? When the stock markets shits all over middle-class America and banks get bought and sold like Taiwanese children, it doesn’t matter to us, because we didn’t give anyone any of our money. It’s all still under our beds in those sacks. And that investment in the burlaps sacks will never go down.

So what’s the lesson here? What have we all learned over the last couple months as the economy has gone down the toilette? That’s easy – don’t do shit just because people TELL you it’s a good idea. Do it because you know it’s a good idea. Don’t buy a big ass house just because someone you know bought a big ass house and you don’t want to look “ghetto” in front of the people you work with. Don’t invest money in the stock market if you don’t know what you are doing. People go to school their entire lives to study the market and THEY don’t always get it right.

Just do what YOU think you should do. What you feel in your gut. That way, the worst that can happen is that you look like a genius when the housing and stock markets implode.

So there you go. Just do what we tell you to do and you’ll be happy… and rich. Just like us.