And God said "let there be Sacrilecious"
May 05, 2004

There are roughly a million metaphors for change and we aren’t gonna use a single one of them. Fuck metaphors – that’s what we say. Only those whiney, sissy poetry guys in the English Department use them because they think it makes them sound more sensitive and thus more appealing to chicks. It never worked for us so… no more metaphors. Unless we’re talking about sex. And even then we prefer euphemisms – like "slipping when wet" or "bedroom backgammon." That said…


Digressing is easy if you try.


Change. If you don’t like it, tough shit. Why? Because for you, our loyal readers, change is coming… actually it’s here. If you haven’t noticed, you are stupid or possibly blind. Maybe even both. But we, as always, will hold judgment. But then again, if you’re blind, how can you read this. Thus the conundrum hath begun. Again, digression.


We changed the name of this here column. No more Entertain This! From now on we will be writing up all our hopes and dreams under this new moniker – Sacrilecious. If you have to ask why that name then you need to go back and read some of our past columns. This one is especially notable. We aren’t very religious. Well, quite the opposite of religious actually. Oddly enough, it so happens that religion, all of them, is one of our favorite topics. So what better name then Sacrilecious? Well there were a bunch of better names frankly but this was the only one without a website already associated with it.


Which leads us to our next point. Sacrilecious.com will be up and running soon. That will be the new home page for us, Jeff and Aaron, this column and all the shit we have going on in our crazy, mixed up world. We don’t really plan on going anywhere and if we are gonna do this thing we’re gonna do it all the way. All of our columns will be posted there and maybe, if you’re lucky, we’ll have a feedback section where you can tell us to go to hell.


We already get lectures, regularly, from Christians about how we are going to hell or Jesus is gonna get pissed or blah, blah, blah – but only when we write something about Jesus. Those same people don’t say a word when we write about Mohamed or Moses or Buddha. Rather hypocritical don’t you think? Well I guess it is only sacrilegious if it happens to their god? And we do write about all the myths. Even Zeus. But, we will also admit that we write most often about Jesus. Why? ‘Cus we know more about him. We grew up listening to those crazy ass stories of him doin’ all that crazy shit.


There is no god… or at least not one anything close to what any religion here on earth says. Want proof? Read our columns. We’re still alive and health and happy. According to any sacred text, after publishing the crap we do… we’d have been struck down 100 times over. But we haven’t been. Alive and kickin’ we be. So there you have it. Either there is no god or one of us, maybe both, is god. Or Jesus. Or Buddha. Or Doe. That would be pretty kick ass if it were true. Maybe we should write our own sacred text…


Or maybe that’s what Sacrilecious.com will be. Hmmm… interesting. Could that site serve as our testimony to the world? Could that site be the beginning of a brand new age? An age of reason and love? Or will it be just two jack-asses posting pictures of themselves flipping people off and writing nonsense in hopes someone will actually take the time to read it?


Our money is on the later.