Five years is a long god damned time
July 05, 2004

Five years. Damn, that’s a long ass time to do a job without seeing a single paycheck. Imagine working at Wendy’s for 5 years while trying your damndest to avoid eye contact with the ““slow”“ girl flipping burgers and getting a paycheck that says you owe the company money. That’s what working at The Scoop is like only the "slow" girl working the burgers over is actually a big Native American guy named Dan.

That of course is said with no offense for Wendy’s or its employees. Except for that really weird girl that works the register at our local Wendy’s. Last time Jeff were there, after he ordered some ranch dipping sauce for his fries, the register girl informed him that she enjoys dipping everything in Ranch. "Everything. One time I dipped some of my hair in it so when I sucked on my hair it tasted like strawberry shampoo and ranch." That girl is fucking crazy and not a happy, homeless guy mumbling to himself about the apocalypse crazy, we’re talking follow you home, skin you and wear your skin like a tuxedo crazy. Jeff just gave a polite nod and then asked for his meal "to go."

And for the 5th year in a row, we digress.

Five years. That’s how long we have been doing this here Scoop thing. This month marks the five year anniversary of us saying "You know what? If The Onion won’t take our stories anymore then we’ll do it ourselves." So we did.

When we started The Scoop, Jeff, a very recent college graduate, had moved to Denver to begin an illustrious but albeit short lived life as a telecom engineer and Aaron continued his college schooling in Flagstaff. The first several issues were produced in our parent’s home office, using their computer and their internet connection. At the time our parents thought we were stupid and juvenile for the stories we wrote and put online for the world to see. In fact, they still think we are stupid and juvenile for continuing with The Scoop though they do continue to ask when we are going to make some money off of all this.

Easy answer: never. This never has been and never will be about money.

In the past five years we’ve had controversial stories, threats of legal action, parent complaints, musician complaints, solicitations and even a request for information regarding the famous ping-pong-ball-in-the-vagina trick. We have had over 20 people come and go from the functional Scoop staff.

The Scoop is a labor of love. A bull horn for us to shout whatever we want/need to shout. And for some reason we haven’t quite figured out yet, people are listening. The Scoop, although monthly, is read by more than 50,000 people a month. Not bad for something that has no marketing (other than the handing out of stickers at Comic Book conventions). All our readers are here strictly by accident or by word of mouth. And to be honest, we wouldn’t want it any other way.

We are going to continue with this bitch for as long as we are physically able… or until some mega-bucks corporation offers us a million bucks for it. But, until then, every month you will see some new stuff. We are always working to make this better and yeah, sometimes we fuck-up but sometimes we get it right.

Fuck everyone else and long live The Scoop!