Follow your dreams
February 05, 2005

Everyone all your life has, at some point, waxed philosophically and told you to follow your dreams. We agree. Actually we more than agree. We think following your dreams is a really, really good idea. But with one little footnote – we aren’t talking about those dreams of being a movie star which ultimately end up with you laying on a casting couch in south Hollywood covered in a mixture of equal parts coke, semen and saliva. Those dreams are stupid and unrealistic. As unrealistic as say people still giving a shit about Paris Hilton in three years. I know we aren’t the first to say it, and hopefully not the last, but that Paris Hilton chick is trash. Given the opportunity, neither of us would go within 100 feet of that skank. Unless she had a puppy or something, and was threatening to eat it. We bet should would. There is little that thing, wouldn’t do for a flashbulb. Shit, she can’t even spell ‘puppy.’


She sure as hell wouldn’t know what a digression was.


Dreams like being a star or winning the Nobel Peace Prize are lame. Everyone has those and a lot of people already follow them. The dreams we are talking about, the dreams we want to see people follow are the really messed up ones you have after staying awake for 46 consecutive hours, drinking way to much… soda, and watching more than a healthy amount of Cinemax. You should follow those dreams. Because a lot of times, dreams like these end up being prophetic.


To prove there can be something more to dreams like these, we present Aaron’s dream a few nights back. It was just a simple dream about him getting his (to use an old term) mother fuckin’ movie check and BAM! a few days later said check arrived in the mail. See kids, he followed his dream, checked the mail and ended up with some cash.


A mere two nights later, Aaron had another dream. It was an odd dream, one that he has had before. He is on a team of investigators – investigating what, we do not know (at first). What’s important here is the fact that he is in a house, going room by room looking for something. Now in that "you know you’re dreaming" world, Aaron knew that the door at the end of the hall hid what they were looking for, but they had to make sure they didn’t miss anything. Again, in that crazy dream world, Aaron knew that the second to last room belonged to C.J., a douche that he used to work with. And, after all of this build up, what did Aaron find in the last room, the room right next to C.J.‘s? Shemale porn. That’s it. Just a pile of magazines that contained pictures of "chicks" with dicks. And in the dream what did Aaron do with these magazines? Showed them to the rest of the team to demonstrate just how fucked up C.J. really is.


Let’s back up though and make something a little more clear. The shemale porn was not Aaron’s. Yes it was Aaron’s dream and yes it was Aaron who was looking for the shemale porn but said porn did not belong to Aaron… in Aaron’s dream. Got it? Aaron isn’t into shemale porn… that much.


Digressing… without chicks that happen to have dicks.


It’s a dream like this that we hope is true. Seriously, how sweet would that be? Not so much finding the stash of porn but exposing the depravity and downright sickness of people that we don’t really like. So naturally, we need to follow this dream and do us some investigating.


On the other side of this here Sacrilecious coin, Jeff recently had his own dream worth following. There he was, on a starship, playing the role of Obi-Wan Kenobi, and making fun of a mentally challenged Darth Vader. Jeff, or rather Jeffy-Wan Kenobi, was sitting with a couple other Jedis, who at this time shall remain nameless, tossing out insult after insult as the slow Vader danced – awkwardly. So… obviously Jeff needs to work on his lightsaber skills, secure passage on an inter-galactic freighter and find Darth Vader. Jeff really isn’t worried about Vader kicking his ass as Jeff is confident that Darth will find it just as funny – that and Darth Vader is mentally handicapped so really, there isn’t anything to worry about.


We all have dreams like these and we just brush them off. Jeff’s girlfriend even had a dream where she tracked down a serial killer after noticing that his bread slicing skills were above and beyond those typically found in a bakery. She just blew it off. Blew it off despite the fact that there just may be a serial killer out there in some bakery, stalking his next victim. Another friend had a dream that he was building a giant set of wings so he could join the U.S. Air Force and fight communists. These dreams need some follow through… because if we don’t follow through on these fucked up dreams, well, then they are just fucked up dreams.